Resolution

In previous years, I've shied away from making new year's resolutions. I feel that they limit a person by making their goals too narrow. You can't cram a year's worth of growth and joy and pain into a paragraph. Suffice it to say, my resolution will not be my only aspiration for 2015, but it is an important one. 

I'm going to cook more, sleep more, be healthier, all those cliché things that everyone wants to do. I fully intend to accomplish better physical wellness in 2015. The real focus of my resolution, however, is mental health. I know I've got some problems. They're not anything that makes me a danger to myself or anyone else, or I'd have handled them long ago. They do make it very difficult to be happy being me at times, though, and that's an issue. I should be happy. I'm a decent person who knows how to do a lot of things, and does them well. I help others whenever I'm able.  I should feel good about being me. 

That's my goal: I want to learn to be happy in a room by myself. I want to look in the mirror and see my strengths, not my shortcomings. I want to overwhelm anxiety and sadness with self-worth and joy. The first step on that road is to talk to a therapist. I've avoided it like the plague until now, but it needs to happen. To hell with the consequences. By the end of 2015, I will be a much happier person, no matter what it takes. 

This is not to say that I'm never content. I'm happy any time I've got something or someone occupying my mind externally. It's not possible to distract yourself all the time, though; sooner or later, you will listen and hear only your own thoughts. I'm going to learn to accept that.