It's a bridge that spans thousands of miles and millions of years. It's something that most of us love, but none of us can fully define. It's glue for a broken heart and peace for a restless mind. Most important of all, though, music is the immortal story of humanity, written in a language that all of us can understand.
That's the best I can do to describe it.
Monday, March 28, 2011
"Forever" and now
Last night, as usual, I decided not to go to sleep until 1:30AM when I had to get up for work at 6:30. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that I haven't gotten much sleep for the past 3 days, so I am actually feeling the effects this morning. I apologize in advance for the following nonsensical rant.
Forever is an extremely long time, particularly when talking about a friendship, or any relationship with another person. Even "a lifetime" is pushing it in many cases. Many of us hope for that life-long bond with people we care about, but it's not always possible. The fact is, no matter how much a person wants another person in their life, sometimes it simply doesn't pan out. Look out to the horizon too much, and you might miss what's happening right under your feet. Suddenly, you and that other person find yourselves staring across an expanse of water, standing on two halves of a once-whole ice patch. In the best case, you can each manage to close the distance a little and remain in the other's life. In the worst cases, you try for a long time to repair what's broken, but you are eventually forced to conclude that no amount of paddling will ever bring you close again. It's happened to me (and everyone) numerous times, and that is incredibly annoying to me; I hate losing people. Thinking about "forever" only seems to make it worse; you miss some of the precious little time you have together, because you're thinking about things that haven't happened yet, and may not ever happen. Planning for the future is a good idea, thinking about the future can be fun, but you had better make sure you're good and ready before investing in it emotionally.
I'd rather live now than have my thoughts trapped in eternity. There has to be a balance, of course; you can't just ignore your future, or you may not have one. I've been doing a good job of living in the present, and keeping the future in its place: hoping for a good one, making the necessary plans and preparations to create a good one, but not worrying myself sick about what might go wrong. I think it's contributed a lot to my happiness. Lately, whether I'm in class, at work, with friends, on a date, anywhere; wherever I am, there I am. I really love it. I went through a long phase where it seemed like all I could think about was the future. I got fairly obsessed. If I had to sum it up in a single word, that word would be "stressful". Even though I'll never get back the moments I missed during that time, I find it pretty hard to lament them; the present is just too good.
In closing, if anything here didn't make sense, was poorly-worded, was improperly punctuated or any other such complaint, just chalk it up to sleep deprivation. Next time I'll be better-rested, and I'll have to come up with another excuse!
Forever is an extremely long time, particularly when talking about a friendship, or any relationship with another person. Even "a lifetime" is pushing it in many cases. Many of us hope for that life-long bond with people we care about, but it's not always possible. The fact is, no matter how much a person wants another person in their life, sometimes it simply doesn't pan out. Look out to the horizon too much, and you might miss what's happening right under your feet. Suddenly, you and that other person find yourselves staring across an expanse of water, standing on two halves of a once-whole ice patch. In the best case, you can each manage to close the distance a little and remain in the other's life. In the worst cases, you try for a long time to repair what's broken, but you are eventually forced to conclude that no amount of paddling will ever bring you close again. It's happened to me (and everyone) numerous times, and that is incredibly annoying to me; I hate losing people. Thinking about "forever" only seems to make it worse; you miss some of the precious little time you have together, because you're thinking about things that haven't happened yet, and may not ever happen. Planning for the future is a good idea, thinking about the future can be fun, but you had better make sure you're good and ready before investing in it emotionally.
I'd rather live now than have my thoughts trapped in eternity. There has to be a balance, of course; you can't just ignore your future, or you may not have one. I've been doing a good job of living in the present, and keeping the future in its place: hoping for a good one, making the necessary plans and preparations to create a good one, but not worrying myself sick about what might go wrong. I think it's contributed a lot to my happiness. Lately, whether I'm in class, at work, with friends, on a date, anywhere; wherever I am, there I am. I really love it. I went through a long phase where it seemed like all I could think about was the future. I got fairly obsessed. If I had to sum it up in a single word, that word would be "stressful". Even though I'll never get back the moments I missed during that time, I find it pretty hard to lament them; the present is just too good.
In closing, if anything here didn't make sense, was poorly-worded, was improperly punctuated or any other such complaint, just chalk it up to sleep deprivation. Next time I'll be better-rested, and I'll have to come up with another excuse!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thoughts
I think it's really nice to be able to put "what ifs" aside and just be happy to be near someone who makes you smile.
I think that the song "Say It Ain't So" by Weezer sounds pretty cool, considering how easy it is to play.
I think that Periphery is the next BTBAM, both in terms of musical ability and creativity.
I think that a rodeo cheeseburger here and there never hurt anyone.
I think that these have been a pretty great couple of weeks.
I think I'll go fall asleep with a smile on my face now.
G'night all.
I think that the song "Say It Ain't So" by Weezer sounds pretty cool, considering how easy it is to play.
I think that Periphery is the next BTBAM, both in terms of musical ability and creativity.
I think that a rodeo cheeseburger here and there never hurt anyone.
I think that these have been a pretty great couple of weeks.
I think I'll go fall asleep with a smile on my face now.
G'night all.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The difference a week can make
It's surprisingly huge. I went back to Omaha and stayed with my dad for a few days because everyone at mom's house was sick. I don't spend a whole lot of time with my dad, so it was nice to hang out with him for an extended period of time. During the first part of the week most of my time was spent looking at apartments and cars, because my goal for the break was to get the material aspects of my life figured out for when I move back. The first apartments I looked at were ridiculously expensive ones with tons of amenities, fancy restaurants and nice gyms nearby. I realized that I really can't justify spending $850 on rent every month. I just don't need a place that nice. Maybe I want one, but I feel like I can get by with a cheaper option. After all, I don't want to live in an apartment for more than a few years; I'll be saving up money for a down payment on a house. I found a place that's about 2 miles from work which should do just fine, and it's a little more reasonably priced.
I went to a Chevy dealership and test drove a couple of trucks. The Chevy Silverado extended cab is definitely my favorite. I also went out to a Subaru dealership and tried an Impreza. I like the Impreza, but the only way I'd buy one is if I wanted to buy a turbocharger and a cold air intake to throw in it. The side of me that loves hobbies thinks that putting aftermarket parts in my car would be really fun, but the Subaru doesn't get very good gas mileage. I've concluded that although what I really want is a truck, I would be better served waiting a couple years and buying a smaller car in the meantime. I have a feeling that I'm going to be doing A LOT of traveling, so it would be good to have a car that gets more than 30 MPG. I'm a pretty huge fan of the Chevy Cruze, and I intend to test drive one next time I'm back.
My grandparents made it home safely from Hawaii, though they just barely missed getting hit by a tsunami spawned by the quake in Japan. They left their hotel literally a half hour before the landfall. When they got back down to the town the next morning, it was a real mess. Streets covered in debris, seawall broken, buildings damaged, some extremely seriously. I'm really glad they got out when they did. They brought me back a little souvenir ukulele, and I have to say I'm really touched. I learned how to play the chords to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", and I'm having a great time with it thus far. This little gift has reminded me how important music is to my life. For the past couple weeks, I've been virtually ignoring that aspect of myself, and I think it was a terrible mistake. I've decided to go back to playing every day, because no matter how awful I feel, strumming a few chords and humming a song never fails to put a smile on my face.
I got to see all those friends I hardly ever get to hang out with, and as always it was a good time. Wednesday night I went down to Peru, NE to visit Inori and Lynzei, too. That was pretty fun! Now I'm back in Ames, and I'm glad to say that I'm feeling really motivated, and in a really good mood. I don't have it all figured out, but I have enough that I can feel comfortable, and I'm excited to see how all of this decision making pans out. Regardless of what I plan out, there's always a pretty good chance that I'll just change my mind at the very last second, so it should be pretty interesting. You might ask, if I'm just going to change my mind, then why make plans at all? It's really just so that I know I have a fallback. At the moments that I have to actually make these decisions about where to live, what to drive, how to spend my time, if I'm not feeling impulsive then I'll have my well-reasoned options already chosen.
So, what difference can a week make? You can spend time with people you don't get enough time with (and make new friends along the way). You can take a look into your future, and mold it into what you want it to be. You can fix your priorities, and become much more content with life in the process.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My heart goes out to everyone in Japan, and all those with family and friends there. I'll be hoping and praying for their safety, and the nation's recovery.
I went to a Chevy dealership and test drove a couple of trucks. The Chevy Silverado extended cab is definitely my favorite. I also went out to a Subaru dealership and tried an Impreza. I like the Impreza, but the only way I'd buy one is if I wanted to buy a turbocharger and a cold air intake to throw in it. The side of me that loves hobbies thinks that putting aftermarket parts in my car would be really fun, but the Subaru doesn't get very good gas mileage. I've concluded that although what I really want is a truck, I would be better served waiting a couple years and buying a smaller car in the meantime. I have a feeling that I'm going to be doing A LOT of traveling, so it would be good to have a car that gets more than 30 MPG. I'm a pretty huge fan of the Chevy Cruze, and I intend to test drive one next time I'm back.
My grandparents made it home safely from Hawaii, though they just barely missed getting hit by a tsunami spawned by the quake in Japan. They left their hotel literally a half hour before the landfall. When they got back down to the town the next morning, it was a real mess. Streets covered in debris, seawall broken, buildings damaged, some extremely seriously. I'm really glad they got out when they did. They brought me back a little souvenir ukulele, and I have to say I'm really touched. I learned how to play the chords to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", and I'm having a great time with it thus far. This little gift has reminded me how important music is to my life. For the past couple weeks, I've been virtually ignoring that aspect of myself, and I think it was a terrible mistake. I've decided to go back to playing every day, because no matter how awful I feel, strumming a few chords and humming a song never fails to put a smile on my face.
I got to see all those friends I hardly ever get to hang out with, and as always it was a good time. Wednesday night I went down to Peru, NE to visit Inori and Lynzei, too. That was pretty fun! Now I'm back in Ames, and I'm glad to say that I'm feeling really motivated, and in a really good mood. I don't have it all figured out, but I have enough that I can feel comfortable, and I'm excited to see how all of this decision making pans out. Regardless of what I plan out, there's always a pretty good chance that I'll just change my mind at the very last second, so it should be pretty interesting. You might ask, if I'm just going to change my mind, then why make plans at all? It's really just so that I know I have a fallback. At the moments that I have to actually make these decisions about where to live, what to drive, how to spend my time, if I'm not feeling impulsive then I'll have my well-reasoned options already chosen.
So, what difference can a week make? You can spend time with people you don't get enough time with (and make new friends along the way). You can take a look into your future, and mold it into what you want it to be. You can fix your priorities, and become much more content with life in the process.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My heart goes out to everyone in Japan, and all those with family and friends there. I'll be hoping and praying for their safety, and the nation's recovery.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Urrrgh. I'm a zombie.
I didn't think very hard before signing up for my Tuesday night shifts this semester. I figured, 'hey, I'll take the shift and help out since very few people actually want the late night and early morning ones.' What I didn't think enough about was the reason WHY nobody had signed up for this shift. I don't mind my 7AM shift so much, because it goes fairly fast usually. There is generally quite a bit to do on a Monday morning around here. On a Tuesday night after 5PM, however, this place becomes about as busy as a Best Buy in Montana.
But hey, I could always be using this time to do something constructive, right? Wrong. My homework requires a book (not allowed), senior design requires that I be in our team lab on the third floor of Coover (not possible according to the laws of physics as we know them... maybe if I cloned myself, or somehow opened up some kind of inter-dimensional wormhole between here and there, I could work on SD while doing my job), and any other constructive things I could possibly do are either not allowed, or frowned upon. I suppose one might consider writing "constructive", but I don't unless it's for a class or work.
Hmm, what else? I've been sick in one way or another for like a week and a half now. I might finally be getting better long-term (I've had a few recoveries and relapses in the past week), but I am not willing to outright say it yet for fear that I'll jinx it. This is very odd, because I don't get sick very often. I'm going to go ahead and chalk it up to me not sleeping very much. For those of you who don't know, I'm at war with sleep. Sleep seems to be using biological warfare, though. Cheap bastard...
Senior design is going pretty well, with the exception of Daji worrying that we won't finish. Some people (you know who you are :)...) accuse me of being a pessimist (or a socialist... ha!), but my project adviser makes me look like Bob the Builder sometimes. It's true that we have some serious work to do yet, but unless we find another hardware incompatibility that we can't fix, the project is probably going to get finished.
Next week is going to be really exciting for me, and I'll make another post about it. If all goes according to plan, I'm going to know a lot more details about what my post-college life will be like.
RANDOM JUNK TIME!
I have a headache, but it's not really in my head. It's actually at the base of my skull where my neck meets my head. It is really annoying, and I am afraid it might mean I have a brain tumor. On second thought, I'm probably just dehydrated.
I'm having a conversation on Facebook about strange colors for hair. My friend said that if her hair was naturally pink, she would grow her pubes in. I think that'd be a little creepy, but I said that I'd prefer mine to be super-saiyan gold. She thinks I'd never get any if my body hair glowed, but I don't even care. I'd be GLOWING!
When I first started this particular blog post, I typed the first word that came to mind into the "Title" bar, and that word was "Turnip." Where the fuck did I get TURNIP from? Turnip is a really funny word in my opinion, though. It makes me wonder how things were named in previous languages in order to evolve into what they are in English. Was there a natural transition from some word in Latin to create the modern word "turnip"? Maybe worth researching sometime when I'm even more bored than I am now. And who knows if that'll ever happen?
I think that my last week of working here when I'm doing operator, I might just snap and start answering with weird catch phrases like "England prevails!! Just kidding, Iowa State Operator."
Or maybe, "What's the password? Don't worry, there's no password. Iowa State Operator, how may I help you?"
If I get really ballsy, I'll try "911, what is the nature of your emergency?" That one could get me in serious trouble, though, so maybe I'd better leave that off the roster. I'd like to do pickup lines, but that could also get me in pretty huge trouble depending on who's on the other end.
Well, this post has successfully numbed my boredom for the past 15 minutes. Thanks for reading, whoever you are. Bye now.
But hey, I could always be using this time to do something constructive, right? Wrong. My homework requires a book (not allowed), senior design requires that I be in our team lab on the third floor of Coover (not possible according to the laws of physics as we know them... maybe if I cloned myself, or somehow opened up some kind of inter-dimensional wormhole between here and there, I could work on SD while doing my job), and any other constructive things I could possibly do are either not allowed, or frowned upon. I suppose one might consider writing "constructive", but I don't unless it's for a class or work.
Hmm, what else? I've been sick in one way or another for like a week and a half now. I might finally be getting better long-term (I've had a few recoveries and relapses in the past week), but I am not willing to outright say it yet for fear that I'll jinx it. This is very odd, because I don't get sick very often. I'm going to go ahead and chalk it up to me not sleeping very much. For those of you who don't know, I'm at war with sleep. Sleep seems to be using biological warfare, though. Cheap bastard...
Senior design is going pretty well, with the exception of Daji worrying that we won't finish. Some people (you know who you are :)...) accuse me of being a pessimist (or a socialist... ha!), but my project adviser makes me look like Bob the Builder sometimes. It's true that we have some serious work to do yet, but unless we find another hardware incompatibility that we can't fix, the project is probably going to get finished.
Next week is going to be really exciting for me, and I'll make another post about it. If all goes according to plan, I'm going to know a lot more details about what my post-college life will be like.
RANDOM JUNK TIME!
I have a headache, but it's not really in my head. It's actually at the base of my skull where my neck meets my head. It is really annoying, and I am afraid it might mean I have a brain tumor. On second thought, I'm probably just dehydrated.
I'm having a conversation on Facebook about strange colors for hair. My friend said that if her hair was naturally pink, she would grow her pubes in. I think that'd be a little creepy, but I said that I'd prefer mine to be super-saiyan gold. She thinks I'd never get any if my body hair glowed, but I don't even care. I'd be GLOWING!
When I first started this particular blog post, I typed the first word that came to mind into the "Title" bar, and that word was "Turnip." Where the fuck did I get TURNIP from? Turnip is a really funny word in my opinion, though. It makes me wonder how things were named in previous languages in order to evolve into what they are in English. Was there a natural transition from some word in Latin to create the modern word "turnip"? Maybe worth researching sometime when I'm even more bored than I am now. And who knows if that'll ever happen?
I think that my last week of working here when I'm doing operator, I might just snap and start answering with weird catch phrases like "England prevails!! Just kidding, Iowa State Operator."
Or maybe, "What's the password? Don't worry, there's no password. Iowa State Operator, how may I help you?"
If I get really ballsy, I'll try "911, what is the nature of your emergency?" That one could get me in serious trouble, though, so maybe I'd better leave that off the roster. I'd like to do pickup lines, but that could also get me in pretty huge trouble depending on who's on the other end.
Well, this post has successfully numbed my boredom for the past 15 minutes. Thanks for reading, whoever you are. Bye now.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Taking Heart
Of all the things I can believe,
in this world of broken dreams,
the best is that someone can understand;
that there's shade on burning sands.
When I'm blistered from the sun,
Sometimes someone comes along,
and proves there's more to life than loss;
sheltering me, and soothing remorse.
I remember the night you explained,
and inside the echoes of my pain,
I heard the voice of truth ring through,
and I put my faith in you.
I no longer believe in love,
but I know that you do.
And I think, just maybe, that's enough
to help me live anew. You said...
"Love's not fragile, true love is steel:
impossible to break, and slow to yield.
So much better than bone and flesh,
it holds us up when we've no strength left."
I remember on that day,
that in the vast depths of my pain,
I heard the voice of truth ring through,
and I will always have faith in you.
This is rapidly turning into a song. If I get it to the point where I think it's good enough to share, I'll throw a video of me playing it up here.
in this world of broken dreams,
the best is that someone can understand;
that there's shade on burning sands.
When I'm blistered from the sun,
Sometimes someone comes along,
and proves there's more to life than loss;
sheltering me, and soothing remorse.
I remember the night you explained,
and inside the echoes of my pain,
I heard the voice of truth ring through,
and I put my faith in you.
I no longer believe in love,
but I know that you do.
And I think, just maybe, that's enough
to help me live anew. You said...
"Love's not fragile, true love is steel:
impossible to break, and slow to yield.
So much better than bone and flesh,
it holds us up when we've no strength left."
I remember on that day,
that in the vast depths of my pain,
I heard the voice of truth ring through,
and I will always have faith in you.
This is rapidly turning into a song. If I get it to the point where I think it's good enough to share, I'll throw a video of me playing it up here.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I AM EXCITED!
There are several reasons for this.
1) Next weekend I get to go visit my friend Inori. Good times will be had.
2) Over spring break I get to test drive cars. I can't even describe how great it will be to get rid of mine. Don't get me wrong, it's a good car, but it's really hard to start, the sound system sucks, and the suspension is kind of shaky to say the least.
3) In April, Periphery is releasing a new album. I have heard a few raw clips that Misha Mansoor posted on his soundclick, and it sounds like it's going to be RIDICULOUSLY good.
4) Also in April, some friends and I are taking a road trip down to Dallas for the MLG Pro Circuit, where Brett will be competing in SC2 and Jon will be competing in Halo: Reach. The rest of us will undoubtedly spend most of our time cheering for said competitors, being huge nerds, and hopefully hitting the bars pretty hard!
AN...
TI.. CI?
PATION!!!!
It's killing me.
1) Next weekend I get to go visit my friend Inori. Good times will be had.
2) Over spring break I get to test drive cars. I can't even describe how great it will be to get rid of mine. Don't get me wrong, it's a good car, but it's really hard to start, the sound system sucks, and the suspension is kind of shaky to say the least.
3) In April, Periphery is releasing a new album. I have heard a few raw clips that Misha Mansoor posted on his soundclick, and it sounds like it's going to be RIDICULOUSLY good.
4) Also in April, some friends and I are taking a road trip down to Dallas for the MLG Pro Circuit, where Brett will be competing in SC2 and Jon will be competing in Halo: Reach. The rest of us will undoubtedly spend most of our time cheering for said competitors, being huge nerds, and hopefully hitting the bars pretty hard!
AN...
TI.. CI?
PATION!!!!
It's killing me.
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