Last night, as usual, I decided not to go to sleep until 1:30AM when I had to get up for work at 6:30. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that I haven't gotten much sleep for the past 3 days, so I am actually feeling the effects this morning. I apologize in advance for the following nonsensical rant.
Forever is an extremely long time, particularly when talking about a friendship, or any relationship with another person. Even "a lifetime" is pushing it in many cases. Many of us hope for that life-long bond with people we care about, but it's not always possible. The fact is, no matter how much a person wants another person in their life, sometimes it simply doesn't pan out. Look out to the horizon too much, and you might miss what's happening right under your feet. Suddenly, you and that other person find yourselves staring across an expanse of water, standing on two halves of a once-whole ice patch. In the best case, you can each manage to close the distance a little and remain in the other's life. In the worst cases, you try for a long time to repair what's broken, but you are eventually forced to conclude that no amount of paddling will ever bring you close again. It's happened to me (and everyone) numerous times, and that is incredibly annoying to me; I hate losing people. Thinking about "forever" only seems to make it worse; you miss some of the precious little time you have together, because you're thinking about things that haven't happened yet, and may not ever happen. Planning for the future is a good idea, thinking about the future can be fun, but you had better make sure you're good and ready before investing in it emotionally.
I'd rather live now than have my thoughts trapped in eternity. There has to be a balance, of course; you can't just ignore your future, or you may not have one. I've been doing a good job of living in the present, and keeping the future in its place: hoping for a good one, making the necessary plans and preparations to create a good one, but not worrying myself sick about what might go wrong. I think it's contributed a lot to my happiness. Lately, whether I'm in class, at work, with friends, on a date, anywhere; wherever I am, there I am. I really love it. I went through a long phase where it seemed like all I could think about was the future. I got fairly obsessed. If I had to sum it up in a single word, that word would be "stressful". Even though I'll never get back the moments I missed during that time, I find it pretty hard to lament them; the present is just too good.
In closing, if anything here didn't make sense, was poorly-worded, was improperly punctuated or any other such complaint, just chalk it up to sleep deprivation. Next time I'll be better-rested, and I'll have to come up with another excuse!
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