Not depressed. That's a decent start, considering the past few months. Not good either right now, because I've started worrying about something I can't change. I've been taught several tricks to stop myself, and they work well in slaying my mental dragons. This concern is a strong one, because it deals with my relationship with Erin.
Some of you know about Erin, others don't. What you need to know is that she's an amazing person, and I care very deeply for her. I fear losing her, I fear that I don't really have her to begin with. I fear, which is not common for me. I often feel worried, I often feel anxious, but I don't often feel afraid.
The cure for this is to redirect my thoughts elsewhere. That's a challenge, because I like thinking about her, but I've recognized with the help of some therapy that there's a line these thoughts can cross from helpful to harmful. I've crossed that line, and so I redirect. The method by which I do so doesn't matter; there are many ways.
A harmful thought pattern can be derailed and replaced forcibly by one's internal monologue. I find a better method is to do an activity which requires thought and planning. Creating something, solving a puzzle, rather than allowing my mind to run circles in an unwinnable maze. A redirect can be something as simple as a blog post.
Now that I'm feeling better, I think I'll go play games for a while. Thanks for your help.
-RAD
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